I learned the hard way how important memorization is. Two years into being a convert, and one month pregnant, I received a call that my husband had had a seizure at work and was in a coma at a Brooklyn hospital, with a suspected stroke. This was pre-ubiquitous cell-phones and pre-Uber, yet I managed to get a cab. On the drive I struggled to pray for my husband. I had not truly memorized or internalized the Jewish prayers. Certainly not in the same way one commits things to memory for an important exam. I knew Tehillim, psalms, were powerful and appropriate, but could not recall any (not even in English). Nor could I summon any siddur prayers. (In the rush to remember cash, credit cards and address book, I hadn’t thought to bring one). Not even benching. My mind was both racing and blank and it was anguishing. I tried to just “talk” to Hashem but no words came. Suddenly I was able to remember two things: A Chassidic story of an unlearned boy who desperately wanted to pray but knew none of the standard prayers. So he recited the Alef-Beis (alphabet) trusting that Hashem knows how to put the letters together in the right order. The second was a mantra from a Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan book on Jewish Meditation: “Ribbono Shel Olam” (“Master of the World”). I repeated this over and over, trusting like the boy that Hashem would know what I meant and trying to “let go and let God”. It dawned on me how perfectly it suited my situation. I didn’t actually know the right thing to pray for. My gut was begging, “Let him survive no matter what” —but who was I to decide for my husband if surviving with brain damage or paralysis was the “right” result? Who but Hashem knew what was “supposed” to happen? Despite a grim prognosis, my husband miraculously survived that night. And I gained perspective on prayer and memorization.
Nellie: My mom is a convert and my wife is a convert. Between the three of us, I'm sure there's a story (or many) worth sharing. But the purpose of this comment is just to express my gratitude for what you do. Your posts are like Jewish mana: it feels like I collect them every week, then feel rejuvenated and inspired to be more Jewish. May your weekly mitzvahs always flow "as a mighty stream".
always
I learned the hard way how important memorization is. Two years into being a convert, and one month pregnant, I received a call that my husband had had a seizure at work and was in a coma at a Brooklyn hospital, with a suspected stroke. This was pre-ubiquitous cell-phones and pre-Uber, yet I managed to get a cab. On the drive I struggled to pray for my husband. I had not truly memorized or internalized the Jewish prayers. Certainly not in the same way one commits things to memory for an important exam. I knew Tehillim, psalms, were powerful and appropriate, but could not recall any (not even in English). Nor could I summon any siddur prayers. (In the rush to remember cash, credit cards and address book, I hadn’t thought to bring one). Not even benching. My mind was both racing and blank and it was anguishing. I tried to just “talk” to Hashem but no words came. Suddenly I was able to remember two things: A Chassidic story of an unlearned boy who desperately wanted to pray but knew none of the standard prayers. So he recited the Alef-Beis (alphabet) trusting that Hashem knows how to put the letters together in the right order. The second was a mantra from a Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan book on Jewish Meditation: “Ribbono Shel Olam” (“Master of the World”). I repeated this over and over, trusting like the boy that Hashem would know what I meant and trying to “let go and let God”. It dawned on me how perfectly it suited my situation. I didn’t actually know the right thing to pray for. My gut was begging, “Let him survive no matter what” —but who was I to decide for my husband if surviving with brain damage or paralysis was the “right” result? Who but Hashem knew what was “supposed” to happen? Despite a grim prognosis, my husband miraculously survived that night. And I gained perspective on prayer and memorization.
Nellie: My mom is a convert and my wife is a convert. Between the three of us, I'm sure there's a story (or many) worth sharing. But the purpose of this comment is just to express my gratitude for what you do. Your posts are like Jewish mana: it feels like I collect them every week, then feel rejuvenated and inspired to be more Jewish. May your weekly mitzvahs always flow "as a mighty stream".