I'm loving this so much- thank you for sharing your experience with the world. I was adopted at birth with my twin brother and we never knew anything but being Jews (chosen without a choice ;) ). I grew up to two Jewish parents in Pittsburgh, my mom is also the child of a Holocaust survivor (and my dad taught about the Holocaust in his free time). No one ever questioned my Jewishness growing up and it wasn't until recently did I ever start to question what it even means to be a Jew. Our childhood (reform) rabbi suggested to my parents that as a formality, my brother and I go through a short conversion process before we were bar-and-bat mitzvahed, but I don't even remember much about it (other than going in the mikveh). In adulthood, I have been approached many times by people who tell me I'm not really Jewish either because I wasn't born Jewish or my conversion wasn't up to code or I don't keep kosher or observe the Shabbat. The first time it happened, I dismissed it, but after becoming more involved with the Jewish world myself, I started to question it. I know that I've lived my whole life as a Jew, and I spend all my time fighting for the Jewish people, but the seed of doubt that was planted still disturbs me. I've been thinking about going back through the conversion process (also because I know I would get a lot out of it regardless of my reason for doing it). Going through Hebrew school and Sunday school never taught me what it really means to be a Jew and to this day, I still can't quite grasp it. And despite what biblical texts/ religious authority or figures/ other people/history tells you about what it is and what it means, it is incredibly individualistic and emotional. I've realized it's important enough to me that I spend more time figuring it out (I also have several gripes re: American Jewish education, but that's a conversation for another day!). Reading about your experience is not only enjoyable, but even therapeutic and I'm grateful for your wisdom and your voice. Much love, Eden Cohen
Us Jews are surprisingly casual about the tragedies we as a people have gone through. Personally, my take is that if you go through life without a method of blowing off steam (either Kvetching- national pastime- or humor- a close second) you'll have a hard time coping with the tragedies that life gives. It's a bit of a paradox. Taking things less seriously allows you to give them the proper gravitas when needed.
Just a Jews opinion over here...
I have a few friends who converted at various points in their lives but it was typically done via an Orthodox Bet Din. You are shedding a light into the non-Orthodox way of doing things and I find that intriguing. Enjoy Miami and Shabbat Shalom!
Thanks a lot for writing this blog, Nellie. My girlfriend is jewish, and I have only just started reading up on all things Judaism. Cheers from Berlin!
Just a quick comment on the framing of Jewish identity with race, ethnicity. In Mandate Palestine and in Israel's first decade, Jewish immigrants came with non-Jewish spouses, the latter often devoted their own religious practice. They had children and grandchildren who served in the Israeli army and married Jews. Most secular Jews did not care about whether their lineage was pure. One or two court challenges that attempted to separate Israeli and Jewish identities failed, but the practice produced a different genetic reality.
I'm an orthodox Jew, born and raised in America. I have plenty of friends with a dark sense of humor but Holocaust jokes just aren't done in any circles I know. Perhaps non-orthodox Jews have different standards of acceptability, or perhaps they are less likely to be able to name the relatives from their families who were murdered. Perhaps Holocaust jokes are ok in your circles but I think it's going too far to suggest that this is somehow a universal attribute of American Jewishness.
So, i grew up as ultra orthodox as well, and my grandfather is still with us to educate us about the holocaust and about his 21 classmates that were murdered in the holocaust, and i heard many holocaust jokes in my life, and we all laugh about it, i am connected to a group chat with orthodox Jews from Brooklyn and they send stickers of “back to Auschwitz” regularly.
My point is that you can’t tell people how to handle the trauma because for you is more convenient in one way or another, the rules are simple, if you have no doubt that the person who tells a dark joke in fact doesn’t mean what he says, the joke isn’t a problem for me, if someone tells a racist joke and i feel that he is a bit racist for real, that’s not funny anymore.
Thanks Nellie! Looking forward to reading more. Like Eden below, there is always the tinge of doubt about whether you are accepted as a Jew by those born Jewish ( and perhaps ourselves) Whether that doubt is real or perceived, it can be draining. I’d like to see you write about politics from the pulpit (something I find appalling but becoming brazenly more common in liberal shuls); the use of the word Shiksa and Goy (please let’s stop. Shiksa is demeaning and not funny); a “how to confront” that one Jew that likes to make sure you know you’re a convert and not totally in the Tribe (“Ugh, I love your shiksa hair.” Or making sure they recall their years and years of summer jewish camp or day school in your presence. ) Better yet, a how to guide for those who were born Jewish to be better allies to coverts; or let’s tackle that underlying doubt. Ok, I’ll shut up now. Keep writing!
Holocaust jokes aren’t funny. Even when coming from a Jew—of which I’m one. I have too many friends who are the children of survivors to think any of these jokes in any scenario could possibly pass muster. You may just be hanging out with the wrong people. You’re invited to Shabbat dinner at our home. No holocaust jokes allowed.
Perhaps I am missing something because I am old-fashioned Orthodox, living in Israel. I was born Jewish into a family of Holocaust refugees & survivors. I never heard Holocaust jokes, least of all of the kind mentioned above. My mother (90 years old) is a survivor of Auschwitz and the Death March. She barely spoke of her experiences most of her life, and started only once her grandchildren started studying it in schools. Now she speaks publicly about her experiences. But make jokes about it? Never. And not the second or third generations either. And I doubt that the fourth generation will. I've been living in Israel for the past 25 years and I never heard a holocaust joke here either. It just ain't done.
The reason the sermons are political is exactly the reason they are non-orthodox. BTW "Orthodox" is a pejorative like N#%&*er, but we just roll with it. In True Jewish groups, politics in never on the agenda, only learning, ones' relationship with G-d, and self improvement. Also we are ok with gentiles and don't encourage conversion; everyone can serve Him and mankind whatever ones' identity. Note that orthodox converts are accepted as Jews universally, not so any other group. Reform doesn't accept deconstructionists, Conservative doesn't accept reform, etc.
I appreciate you sharing your journey. As a convert myself, the key part of ‘being Jewish’ requires a mix of experiential, spiritual and intellectual Judaism. It was not until I wore a yarmulke in my daily life did I truly feel Jewish.
As far as the humor- I like satire and making fun of Nazi’s as much as the next guy. But there is no such thing as a funny ‘holocaust’ joke. Sorry. Maybe someone sees it as a defense mechanism but if I heard the taco statement, I would be sad and then disturbed- and I would mention this insensitivity to the speaker.
Go the Auchswitz or even the DC Holocaust museum. After that- there is no such things as a Holocaust joke.
I have had Jews telling me Holocaust jokes since I was 20. (I am now 70). And I always laughed. Now that I am converting, maybe I will build up to telling one - but I doubt it. But, I often quote the wisest thing that I think Jerry Seinfeld ever said: "Humor is the most powerful, most survival-essential quality you will ever have or need to navigate through the human experience." The jokes were essential to get past the pain.
I have had Jews telling me Holocaust jokes since I was 20. (I am now 70). And I always laughed. Now that I am converting, maybe I will build up to telling one - but I doubt it. But, I often quote the wisest thing that I think Jerry Seinfeld ever said: "Humor is the most powerful, most survival-essential quality you will ever have or need to navigate through the human experience." The jokes were essential to get past the pain.
I'm loving this so much- thank you for sharing your experience with the world. I was adopted at birth with my twin brother and we never knew anything but being Jews (chosen without a choice ;) ). I grew up to two Jewish parents in Pittsburgh, my mom is also the child of a Holocaust survivor (and my dad taught about the Holocaust in his free time). No one ever questioned my Jewishness growing up and it wasn't until recently did I ever start to question what it even means to be a Jew. Our childhood (reform) rabbi suggested to my parents that as a formality, my brother and I go through a short conversion process before we were bar-and-bat mitzvahed, but I don't even remember much about it (other than going in the mikveh). In adulthood, I have been approached many times by people who tell me I'm not really Jewish either because I wasn't born Jewish or my conversion wasn't up to code or I don't keep kosher or observe the Shabbat. The first time it happened, I dismissed it, but after becoming more involved with the Jewish world myself, I started to question it. I know that I've lived my whole life as a Jew, and I spend all my time fighting for the Jewish people, but the seed of doubt that was planted still disturbs me. I've been thinking about going back through the conversion process (also because I know I would get a lot out of it regardless of my reason for doing it). Going through Hebrew school and Sunday school never taught me what it really means to be a Jew and to this day, I still can't quite grasp it. And despite what biblical texts/ religious authority or figures/ other people/history tells you about what it is and what it means, it is incredibly individualistic and emotional. I've realized it's important enough to me that I spend more time figuring it out (I also have several gripes re: American Jewish education, but that's a conversation for another day!). Reading about your experience is not only enjoyable, but even therapeutic and I'm grateful for your wisdom and your voice. Much love, Eden Cohen
You are a Jew, just as much of the rest of us. Please do not believe that you need anything additional. You are already fully a Jew.
If the conversion process feels daunting, never forget that work will set you free.
Mike Schwartz
Adventure Van '08
Arbet Macht Frie
Us Jews are surprisingly casual about the tragedies we as a people have gone through. Personally, my take is that if you go through life without a method of blowing off steam (either Kvetching- national pastime- or humor- a close second) you'll have a hard time coping with the tragedies that life gives. It's a bit of a paradox. Taking things less seriously allows you to give them the proper gravitas when needed.
Just a Jews opinion over here...
I have a few friends who converted at various points in their lives but it was typically done via an Orthodox Bet Din. You are shedding a light into the non-Orthodox way of doing things and I find that intriguing. Enjoy Miami and Shabbat Shalom!
Thanks a lot for writing this blog, Nellie. My girlfriend is jewish, and I have only just started reading up on all things Judaism. Cheers from Berlin!
Just a quick comment on the framing of Jewish identity with race, ethnicity. In Mandate Palestine and in Israel's first decade, Jewish immigrants came with non-Jewish spouses, the latter often devoted their own religious practice. They had children and grandchildren who served in the Israeli army and married Jews. Most secular Jews did not care about whether their lineage was pure. One or two court challenges that attempted to separate Israeli and Jewish identities failed, but the practice produced a different genetic reality.
I'm an orthodox Jew, born and raised in America. I have plenty of friends with a dark sense of humor but Holocaust jokes just aren't done in any circles I know. Perhaps non-orthodox Jews have different standards of acceptability, or perhaps they are less likely to be able to name the relatives from their families who were murdered. Perhaps Holocaust jokes are ok in your circles but I think it's going too far to suggest that this is somehow a universal attribute of American Jewishness.
I was a member of a Reform synagogue. Never heard a Holocaust joke. I cannot imagine anything more repulsive.
So, i grew up as ultra orthodox as well, and my grandfather is still with us to educate us about the holocaust and about his 21 classmates that were murdered in the holocaust, and i heard many holocaust jokes in my life, and we all laugh about it, i am connected to a group chat with orthodox Jews from Brooklyn and they send stickers of “back to Auschwitz” regularly.
My point is that you can’t tell people how to handle the trauma because for you is more convenient in one way or another, the rules are simple, if you have no doubt that the person who tells a dark joke in fact doesn’t mean what he says, the joke isn’t a problem for me, if someone tells a racist joke and i feel that he is a bit racist for real, that’s not funny anymore.
Thanks Nellie! Looking forward to reading more. Like Eden below, there is always the tinge of doubt about whether you are accepted as a Jew by those born Jewish ( and perhaps ourselves) Whether that doubt is real or perceived, it can be draining. I’d like to see you write about politics from the pulpit (something I find appalling but becoming brazenly more common in liberal shuls); the use of the word Shiksa and Goy (please let’s stop. Shiksa is demeaning and not funny); a “how to confront” that one Jew that likes to make sure you know you’re a convert and not totally in the Tribe (“Ugh, I love your shiksa hair.” Or making sure they recall their years and years of summer jewish camp or day school in your presence. ) Better yet, a how to guide for those who were born Jewish to be better allies to coverts; or let’s tackle that underlying doubt. Ok, I’ll shut up now. Keep writing!
Holocaust jokes aren’t funny. Even when coming from a Jew—of which I’m one. I have too many friends who are the children of survivors to think any of these jokes in any scenario could possibly pass muster. You may just be hanging out with the wrong people. You’re invited to Shabbat dinner at our home. No holocaust jokes allowed.
Perhaps I am missing something because I am old-fashioned Orthodox, living in Israel. I was born Jewish into a family of Holocaust refugees & survivors. I never heard Holocaust jokes, least of all of the kind mentioned above. My mother (90 years old) is a survivor of Auschwitz and the Death March. She barely spoke of her experiences most of her life, and started only once her grandchildren started studying it in schools. Now she speaks publicly about her experiences. But make jokes about it? Never. And not the second or third generations either. And I doubt that the fourth generation will. I've been living in Israel for the past 25 years and I never heard a holocaust joke here either. It just ain't done.
Holocaust jokes are a Jewish-American thing. They missed out and the jokes are motivated by a mix of envy and guilt.
I was born in the USA and lived there until I was 45. I never heard a holocaust joke.
For reasons unknown, there is no prohibition in the Torah against making jokes in poor taste.
Doesn't mean it's good manners. Humor is not the end-all as intellectual midgets like Larry David will always remind us.
The reason the sermons are political is exactly the reason they are non-orthodox. BTW "Orthodox" is a pejorative like N#%&*er, but we just roll with it. In True Jewish groups, politics in never on the agenda, only learning, ones' relationship with G-d, and self improvement. Also we are ok with gentiles and don't encourage conversion; everyone can serve Him and mankind whatever ones' identity. Note that orthodox converts are accepted as Jews universally, not so any other group. Reform doesn't accept deconstructionists, Conservative doesn't accept reform, etc.
Hi Nellie,
I appreciate you sharing your journey. As a convert myself, the key part of ‘being Jewish’ requires a mix of experiential, spiritual and intellectual Judaism. It was not until I wore a yarmulke in my daily life did I truly feel Jewish.
As far as the humor- I like satire and making fun of Nazi’s as much as the next guy. But there is no such thing as a funny ‘holocaust’ joke. Sorry. Maybe someone sees it as a defense mechanism but if I heard the taco statement, I would be sad and then disturbed- and I would mention this insensitivity to the speaker.
Go the Auchswitz or even the DC Holocaust museum. After that- there is no such things as a Holocaust joke.
I have had Jews telling me Holocaust jokes since I was 20. (I am now 70). And I always laughed. Now that I am converting, maybe I will build up to telling one - but I doubt it. But, I often quote the wisest thing that I think Jerry Seinfeld ever said: "Humor is the most powerful, most survival-essential quality you will ever have or need to navigate through the human experience." The jokes were essential to get past the pain.
I have had Jews telling me Holocaust jokes since I was 20. (I am now 70). And I always laughed. Now that I am converting, maybe I will build up to telling one - but I doubt it. But, I often quote the wisest thing that I think Jerry Seinfeld ever said: "Humor is the most powerful, most survival-essential quality you will ever have or need to navigate through the human experience." The jokes were essential to get past the pain.
For what it’s worth, I think many Jews find Holocaust jokes offensive.
I’d like to know……